she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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