wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
