She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I did not marry a roomba.
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