I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
