I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
