What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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