Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the condom got lost in my hair
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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