He told me they were just razor bumps!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
