Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
