the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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