What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
