So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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