What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
