Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
