Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
