I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
