i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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