This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
