I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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