Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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