when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
