Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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