i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
