I hate all girls vehemently.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
