I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
