I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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