I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
