you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
