my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
