They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
