i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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