does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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