can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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