ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The best revenge is premature balding
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
