I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
