You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
