I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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