so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
