Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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