i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
