You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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