1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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