He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
