We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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