I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
