are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
