I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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