Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
