I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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