I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it glows. i had to have it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
